Monday, July 17, 2006

Who Could It Be!?

You may be the butt of a lot of jokes, Zinédine Zidane, but one of these people is having the WORST WEEK EVER!

Immigrants' Rights Activists New Spokesman: My good humored Republican friend Matt, who has long argued on behalf of whatever position is coming out of the White House, now finds himself a walking contradiction of the Bush message. Proving wrong the President's declaration that immigrants here are taking "the jobs that Americans won't do"; Matt recently became an "under the table wages" landscaper, meaning not only is he taking jobs previously reserved for undocumented workers, but as someone who is being paid under the table, he himself has become an undocumented worker! Let's hope you didnt receive a penny of student aid in your 4 years at the $40,000 a year Syracuse University Matt, because then you would also be an undocumented worker who sucks on this country's social system while not paying any taxes yourself! Good luck during this week's brutal heat wave, and here is a new phrase to use on your co-workers: ¿Podría tener yo un vidrio de agua por favor?

Speaking of hot, whatever happened to Kim Bauer? Jack's daughter had to endure not only the pain of having both parents killed in the same building (CTU-Los Angeles); but also the pain of finding out one of them was just faking dead, and although he told 4 other people, including weirdo Chloe, never bothered to tell Kim! Well after finding out about her dad's resurrection, and surviving a two-episode mini-plot involving syntox nerve gas, Kim took off with her therapist (who she is currently sleeping with.) No doubt soon after she came to terms with her father's need to lie to her, she found out he had been kidnapped by the Chinese! And with international crises all over the world, the US desparately needs China's help in containing North Korea, which means pressing them to free Jack Bauer probably isnt a high priority. Sorry Kim, you thought he died once by flying a suicide plane cargoed with nuclear weapons, and again in a shootout with secret service, why not give up on him again, besides we all know you werent offered a contract extension to season 6!

While working as an undocumented worker in the brutal summer heat despite being a legal citizen sucks; and having your father abducted by the Chinese only 12 hours after finding out he isnt as dead as you had previously thought for the last 18 months; for failing policies on areas all around the world, George W. Bush is having the WORST WEEK EVER!

- Pretending that the 2005 redemocratization of Lebanon was a result of the US invasion of Iraq and had nothing to do with the assasination of Rafiq Hairirri may have been fun; but gleefully assuming Lebanon's meek little army would be able to disarm the massively more powerful terrorist organization Hezbollah was just plain silly! Instead Hezbollah was allowed to stay in the south of Lebanon, where they took to the habit of capturing IDF soldiers and sending hundreds of rockets raining down on Israel's civilian population centers. Now Israel is bringing a can of whoop ass down on the only democratic (and pro-west) Arab state, killing scores of innocent civilians themselves in the process!

- Hoping that throwing North Korea into the "Axis of Evil" would thwart the image of an American war on Islam (given the religious affiliations of the other two axis members) may have been a good PR move; but North Korea took you seriously and quickly announced it had nuclear weapons in hopes of deterring an attack! Now they are lobbing test missiles all around, despite warnings from the USA that doing so would bring out "serious consequences". The serious consesquences are apparently a watered down UN resolution condemning the tests. UH OH!

- Freedom! You invaded the sovereign nation of Iraq under the pretext of disarmament, only to find your co-workers twisted the intelligence and the country was already disarmed! Falling back on Plan B "we invaded for democracy" has proved to suck too! Not only is Iraq now becoming more pro-Iran oriented, but yesterday the legislature finally agreed on something that brought firm unity... condemnation of Israel, the USA's favorite mid-east ally! SO much for creating a dependent client state in the center of the world's energy producing region!

For those reasons and more (gloomy predictions for the '06 elections, the GOP congress passing stem-cell research despite Presidential veto threats, an ever growing trade deficit with China) GEORGE W. BUSH IS HAVING THE WORST WEEK EVER!

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